My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
