Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
