Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
