Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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