So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is Oprah even human
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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