is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
