watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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