My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
