Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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