you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize