Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
