Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
