Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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