Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
