ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
