You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
