I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
