I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
