my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
