I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Randomize
