he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
