i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
