i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
