Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize