So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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