I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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