So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
