Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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