I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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