Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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