Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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