Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
