You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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