Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
