It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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