i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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