He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
