Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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