His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
