Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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