I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
