I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
