Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
