where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
