I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
