all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize