I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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