He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
