One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
