thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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