Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what day is it and did you see me today?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
