waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
