Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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