I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My cat gives me a boner
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
