Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
