Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize