dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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