based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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