tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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