he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
