You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
