whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
