Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I could fuck to npr.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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