He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
