My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
