dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
