She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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