you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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